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Trailheads Counseling and Psychotherapy, LLC

Creating secure attachment in relationship

 Welcome to the web site of Ralph Lind, LPCC.  I am a therapist in private practice specializing in couple work, working with couples experiencing crisis due to disclosures of sexual infidelity, compulsivity and other problems that have breached the boundaries of a couple's relationship.  You are welcome to contact me whether you are in crisis, or if you wish to enhance the relationship you have knowing there is more or deeper connectedness with the partner you love.

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Training and Background

I’ve been in this work for 17 years, about 11 of those years in private practice. My supervision period and first 6 years of practicing was a the Samaritan Counseling Center in Albuquerque. Prior to training to be a licensed therapist, I was a minister in Portland, OR for 13 years. I have a seminary degree, M.Div., and Masters Degree in Counseling from Sorthwestern College in Santa Fe. I have a New Mexico LPCC (Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor), and I have always been active in continuing education, most of which has been focused on couple work training. I am trained in the Internal Family Systems (IFS) modality of Richard Schwartz. I am also trained in the Relational Life Therapy (RLT) of Terry Real.  I am trained as a Sex Addiction Therapist  by the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Therapists (IITAP). These are the 3 sources of training I use on a regular basis. I am also trained in EMDR, and have taken advanced training from John Gottman and trainings in couple/sex work with Berry McCarthy. Pat Love and her work has been a significant resource in my formation.  I highly value the contribution of each of these sources enabling me to serve couples in an effective way.

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The following poem by David Whyte is a beautiful tribute to a loving relationship.  I felt something was missing and added a poem reflecting my work.



The Truelove


There is a faith in loving fiercely

the one who is rightfully yours,

especially if you have

waited years and especially

if part of you never believed

you could deserve this

loved and beckoning hand

held out to you this way.


I am thinking of faith now

and the testaments of loneliness

and what we feel we are

worthy of in this world.


Years ago, in the Hebrides

I remember and old man

who walked every morning

on the grey stones

to the shore of the baying seals,




who would press his hat

to his chest in the blustering salt wind and say his prayer

to the turbulent Jesus

hidden in the water,


and I think of the story 

of the storm and everyone

waking and seeing 

the distant

yet familiar figure

far across the water

calling to them,


and how we are all

preparing for that

abrupt waking,

and that calling,

and that moment

we have to say yes,

except it will

not come so grandly,

so Biblically,

but more subtly

and intimately in the face

of the one you know

you have to love,



so that when we finally

step out of the boat

toward them, we find

everything holds us

and everything confirms

our courage, and if you wanted

to drown you could,

but you don’t

because finally

after all the struggle

and all the years,

you don’t want to any more,


you’ve simply had enough

of drowning

and you want to live 

and you want to love 

and you will

walk across and territory

and any darkness,

however fluid and however

dangerous, to take the

one hand you know belongs in yours.

Make it So


You are weary with the one you love, 

tired of the repetitious arguments 

where you know the Other’s dance steps 

as well as your own, 

and with a last gasp you wonder 

what is it you are fighting about?


You hate yourself for doing it yet again, 

you hate this relationship that consumes you 

and part of you hates this Other 

you are attached to 

who drives you to this point of insanity. 


No-one should have to put up with this! 

No-one else would put up with this! 

How can something so plain and simple 

not be obvious to this Other…?


Here’s the good news and bad news. 

The good news is that 

most likely there is a solution, 

there is a path forward 

that enables this relationship 

to get unstuck from the sucking quicksand 

so easily floundered in. 


The bad news - it starts with you, 

not your Other.


Why do you react so strongly? 

Is it really about this person before you 

who you so emphatically loved 

with all your heart 

such a short time ago? 

Likely not…it is about the footsteps 

the Other stands in. 

It is about the faint tune 

you hear played and mistakenly 

you think you identify the song. 

It is the ancient shield raised to fend off…

what? A ghost? A phantom? 

No phantom 

would make your heart pound like this. 

That ghost has been dead 

since forever…or has it? 

What if…wait for it… 

you are making an error, 

simply a mistake. 


What if there is nothing 

for that shield to fend off? 

What if…wait for it…

that thing in your hand 

is a bloody sword 

not of righteousness nor protection, 

but of desparation 


long in need of updating 

from its hidden origins?


And what if the Other 

is similarly deluded, in a time warp 

of their own creation? 

What if you glimpse silliness, 

not right or wrong? 

An error, instead 

of a wrong to be righted, or avenged? 

What if you really need the glass polished, 

not Another? 


What if the first step was you 

looking for your Innerwork, 

not correction of the Other, or protection. 

What if…gasp!…it isn’t that bad to error, 

when it is easily corrected? 

What if…gasp…you knew 

beyond a shadow of a doubt 

if you laid down your weapon, 

you’d see the Other’s out stretched hand 

and their sword discarded… 


What if the polished glass 

revealed an attachment so strong, 

nothing could prevent you 

from defending and protecting it. 

What if the polished glass revealed 

a hand always reaching for the Other, 

and it was yours, 

as was the one reaching towards you, your’s.

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4810 Hardware NE Albuquerque, New Mexico 87109

505 350-4051

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